Tuesday, May 6, 2008

My Girlfriend is a Wanna Bi

Q.  This is kinda complicated, but here goes. I'm a life-long dyke and have been dating a girl on and off for the past year. I'm her first lesbian relationship, and before me, she was with this one guy for three years. We started dating while they were still together, but she's been trying to get out of the relationship with him for a year. When we started dating, she said she wanted to break up with him, but then she continued to talk to him and see him and me both. This has been going on for a year, and she won't end it with him completely. I'm getting sick of it! My last girlfriend was also a first timer and after we broke up she started dating another guy, but even though she's still with him, she keeps in touch with me daily, writing me emails and hinting around that she wants to get back together. For some reason, all these girls like using me as their person to experiment with. It's not like we're in high school or anything. You'd think by our age (mid to late 20's) a dyke's a dyke, right? What can I do to stop attracting these wannabes into my bed and getting hurt in the process?

No Wanna-Bi

A.  Dear N.W.B., I'm sick of hearing about all these bi-curious girls who wreak havoc on all those good-natured dykes out there. Why can't they just hook up with other newBIes and "practice"? Here is your problem: you gotta nip these relationships in the bud if you're ever going to save yourself from the wannabes. I suspect that if you keep finding yourself in these kinds of relationships, there's something inside of you that wants to keep setting yourself up for the heartbreak. Next time you meet a newBIe, put her down and step the hell away. Just don't even go down the road with her. Sure, there might be the occasional girl who is the exception, but your track record's been pretty bad so far, so I'd suggest just going cold turkey for a while. Instead, start checking out the experienced dykes who know what she wants and what she wants is "PU**Y", presumably yours.

Good luck, Jackie.

Dear Wanna-Bi,

Bi girls are hot. If you don't want them, tell them to call Jared. They won't be confused anymore.


Dear Jared,

You. Wish.


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